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[–]Jannax 3957 points3958 points  (91 children)

That happened at my job too, just put them all in a large container and shake them lightly, the roasted one will rise to the top since they are lighter (less water) than the unroasted ones.

[–]tepig37 2921 points2922 points  (23 children)

But then how are you ment to spend your whole shift not having to deal with customers and chatting shit with a coworker.

[–]dukenheim 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This was my fav type of “urgent” work when I was customer facing.

[–]Chromattix 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As someone who works in food service I'd have to agree I'd LOVE to take on this tedious task with another co-worker over doing my usual duties. It's why I love it when I get asked to help the chefs with prep work, like that time I spent an hour popping broad beans out of their cases. That was an unexpectedly relaxing shift.

[–]panchoadrenalina 264 points265 points  (21 children)

super upvote.

i knew it had to have a simpler solution

[–]sticky-bit 180 points181 points  (14 children)

The simpler solution is to use it all to make a batch of "extra dark" roasted coffee (with a blend of lightly roasted coffee.)

[–]thoughtfulhooligan 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I think to the third-wave coffee people, this is unacceptable. And since they’re roasting their own beans, I think it’s third-wave.

[–]skepticalrick 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Seriously. That was my first thought. Just roast the whole batch.

[–]-SmackMyBitchUp- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Today's special: extra medium American roast

[–]silas0069 46 points47 points  (7 children)

[–]Brookenium 20 points21 points  (3 children)

That's due to size, not density. In this case, the beans are the same size so the Brazil Nut Effect cannot be at work.

[–]Jannax 8 points9 points  (0 children)

actually they get slightly bigger too once rosted

[–][deleted]  (513 children)


    [–]Mellomelll 936 points937 points  (107 children)

    I’m a part time pharmacy tech...I honestly love counting hundreds of pills all day. Menial tasks like that are kinda fun. Edit: spelling

    [–]RamenJunkie 523 points524 points  (45 children)

    I used to work for an inventory service (RGIS). It made me incredibly good at sight counting and running a tenkey pad.

    My wife also worked there, we were always the top people. A few years later we were at a thing with one of those "count the jellybeans in the jar" contests. I was off by 1, she was off by 2.

    [–]Sambo_the_Rambo 96 points97 points  (22 children)

    I've heard that's a terrible company to work for (RGIS)

    [–]RamenJunkie 31 points32 points  (7 children)

    It wasn't too bad when I was there, but that was at least 15 years ago. I think I heard it started really going downhill shortly after I left.

    [–]Donbruh 42 points43 points  (0 children)

    They went down hill because u left bro

    [–]M_TobogganPHD 72 points73 points  (2 children)

    I worked at a Guitar Center type store, we used them every year, I felt bad for these guys (even though the ones I worked with were always comically stupid). The supervisors always seemed like super assholes, and these poor schmucks had to be up at 2 in the morning, in uniform, counting thousands of guitar picks, while the actual store staff would take shifts going into the office to get high and drink.

    [–]BigRedWalters 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    I’d love to hear more about your experience about working there?

    I always figured it would be a super chill environment with a lot of great stories. Would probably make a great “the office” type of tv show

    [–]JBob250 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Worked there one night, no one knew the answers to any questions, there was no organizatin, just awful. We were counting a Dicks and it was basically chaos.

    I was watching people around me count a circular clothing rack 2.5 times before realizing it was a circle. Other people were asking me basic questions like if a box of shoes counts as 1 or 2, etc

    Walked out after 3 hours because they couldn't find my telzon in the system and my counts didn't register. I told them I was just going to leave, and they couldn't find any record of me being there, despite obviously holding a registered scanner, so I just walked out.

    [–]Paint__ 224 points225 points  (24 children)

    you'd love old school runescape

    [–]ccai 3057 points3058 points  (340 children)

    A while back as a pharmacy intern, a rotation student accidentally dumped some Nifedipine 60mg tablets into the practically full #300 count Nifedipine 30mg bottle after counting them to fill a patient's prescription. The images have different lighting conditions, so they are not reflective of how similar they are in color in real life. They were essentially the same color and size, with the same B imprint on one side and the only difference being the other side had 30 or 60 on the other. We had to dump out the whole 30mg bottle onto several counting trays and set up some 60-dram vials, flip them to the numbered side and sorted them into their corresponding ones into their piles.

    That makes sorting out these coffee bean look like a walk in the park.

    [–][deleted]  (164 children)


      [–]Rampage_Rick 2017 points2018 points  (67 children)

      I spotted him across the restaurant. There he was, eating his salad with a dessert fork. The nerve of some people! I was so aghast that I dropped my handful of mashed potatoes.

      [–][deleted]  (29 children)


        [–]nerovox 121 points122 points  (20 children)

        That kind of trauma can't be resolved in 5 meger seconds

        [–][deleted]  (16 children)


          [–]Wetbung 34 points35 points  (6 children)

          What magical land do you live in that has big straws for Blizzards?

          [–]mathamatazz 46 points47 points  (0 children)

          Fucking handful of mashed potatoes. Made my day.

          [–]MooseBayou 66 points67 points  (31 children)

          • Pro-Tip for silver use at nice restaurants:

          If you are at a nice sit down dinner, and there will be multiple courses, the utensils will be used from outside to inside on both sides, as you proceed through the meal.

          Forks are always on the left, salad fork outside of the dinner fork. Cocktail forks will either be placed above the plate, or to the left of the salad fork, or brought with the service.

          Soup Spoons will be placed outside the coffee spoon on the right, or brought with the service.

          The butter knife will be on the bread plate, typically. May be placed beside it.

          Dessert spoons are often placed above the plate. If a dessert fork is necessary, your waiter will bring one. The spoon outside the dinner knife on your right will be for coffee. If you order iced tea or coffee, a longer spoon will be provided.

          If you don't order a course associated with the silverware, it will be removed discretely.

          Let me know if you want me to help with dinnerware and glassware.

          • Source - Was the Maître D'hôtel at a Four-Star dining establishment in college.

          [–]Wollff 12 points13 points  (5 children)

          Source - Was the Maître D'hôtel at a Four-Star dining establishment in college.

          It's kind of an off topic question: What stars?

          I know Michelin has stars for dining establishments, but they are limited to a maximum of three.

          And then there are stars for hotels, but they always seem a little... inconsistent? Is there an agency that gives out stars? Is that organized internationally, or do stars mean totally different things in different countries?

          I've got to use this chance when there is a professional around!

          [–]Damit84 29 points30 points  (2 children)

          Salad and dinner forks ?! I sometimes grab a knife when I have a plate of soup...

          [–]vxx 25 points26 points  (1 child)

          Salad forks have a 30 and dinner forks a 60 imprinted.

          [–]xSightblinder 13 points14 points  (13 children)

          Wait... what?!?! Different kinds? Since when?

          [–]Furt77 28 points29 points  (10 children)

          I have no idea. I only have four forks. If I have people over and they want different forks for different foods, somebody is going to have to share.

          [–]let_me_shirt_that 107 points108 points  (78 children)

          How does sorting just over 300 of something seem harder to you than sorting thousands of something?

          [–]max_adam 143 points144 points  (59 children)

          In beans you see white color and pick them up. For the pills you have to take each one and turn them to see the number, also the medical danger implication if you mix them up.

          [–]Raincoats_George 46 points47 points  (33 children)

          Still going through 300 of something vs thousands? Yeah I'd happily do the 300 count.

          [–]wanderingwolfe 51 points52 points  (2 children)

          Having sorted far more than 300 pills, I'm gonna say the tasks are comparable, although the beans would be a bit more time consuming.

          If you have very visibly different objects, you can get into a rhythm and really speed through it (not to mention, if you put a bean into the wrong pile now and then, no one dies). When they look the same without individual inspection, you pretty much just move one at a time until done.

          Difficulty wise, the pills is harder. Overall workload, I agree the beans win in this case.

          [–]car0003 45 points46 points  (19 children)

          It's not just sorting in both cases, I look at it this way:

          go through 10,000 beans that you can just pluck at sight


          300 identical looking pills that you have to look closely but if you screw it up you can lose $250,000 and 8 years of your life (because a degree you can't use anymore is basically time and money wasted.)

          Personally, I like the first one better

          [–]ccai 96 points97 points  (9 children)

          The medications have implication on a person's health, giving too much of a blood pressure medication can cause lightheaded-ness and potential fainting. Plus it's a legal issue dispensing the wrong medication. So double and triple checking was necessary.

          The fact that they're identical in color (and size and shape) and can only be differentiated by flipping them onto one side, makes them far harder to sort out vs having things that are brown and tan that can be spotted from any orientation.

          I rather have sorted the coffee than deal with that mix up again.

          [–]Matthewrc85 25 points26 points  (4 children)

          Well if it’s any consolation I really appreciate you taking your job and it’s responsibilities seriously

          [–]ccai 22 points23 points  (2 children)

          It's literally one of the main objectives of the job, dispense the proper medications, provide information about medications and make sure that the medication doesn't kill you due to interactions/allergies. If you fail to do something as essential as this on purpose, your license as a pharmacist needs to be revoked.

          [–]Xboxben 29 points30 points  (12 children)

          Pharmacy tech here. Only if dumb fuck mixes medicine together, you always count one at a time

          [–]StopTrickingMe[🍰] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          Fellow tech here. Went to count atenolol 100 on Saturday, somebody had dumped a RTS bottle of atenolol 50 into the wrong bottle. Thankfully there is a decent size difference.

          [–]jraygun13 2206 points2207 points  (28 children)

          Looks like the guy on the right is about to cut himself a nice line of coffee beans to put a little pep in his step

          [–]tuskvarner 33 points34 points  (4 children)

          Bolivian marching powder.

          [–]TPieces 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          It's... part of the ritual, man.

          [–]barry922 9867 points9868 points 3 (140 children)

          Sooo… does this make you the companies bean counters?

          [–]Flnn 204 points205 points  (6 children)

          Kevin's voice WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN

          [–]moogly2 34 points35 points  (2 children)

          "66, 67, 68, 69...[snickers quietly], 70"

          [–]tronfunkinblows_10 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me??

          [–]ParaspriteHugger 1313 points1314 points  (38 children)

          Just take my upvote and go.

          [–]SAT0SHl 303 points304 points  (17 children)

          "227... 228...229... fuck this... 1 ...2...."

          [–]timmys_taint 145 points146 points  (12 children)

          fuck this

          "I paid for a Masters degree for this shit?!?"

          [–]myamazhanglife 12 points13 points  (1 child)

          Don't forget 5 years of experience.

          [–]BlueStars99 41 points42 points  (2 children)

          No you paid for your Masters to make my coffee. Well done!

          [–]waawftutki 67 points68 points  (42 children)

          What is that a reference to I don't get it

          [–]AngryGoose 141 points142 points  (6 children)

          Accountants are also referred to as "bean counters."

          [–]EnjoyMyDownvote 7 points8 points  (5 children)


          [–]jedinatt 25 points26 points  (0 children)

          Because they used to use abucuses.

          [–]Ermahgerd_Rerdert 26 points27 points  (4 children)

          Show some respect, they are human beans.

          [–]GilesDMT 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          They’re blatantly practicing segregation they don’t care about that

          [–]monkey_brained 832 points833 points  (43 children)

          You should just re-roast them all and label it a “medium” roast.

          [–]ECatPlay 621 points622 points  (28 children)

          Or label it a house special, "dual roast" blend, and charge a premium.

          [–]tane_rs 213 points214 points  (10 children)

          One extra light roast of the whole batch, "the yin and yang blend"

          Ppl would eat that shit up

          [–]CoalaRebelde 83 points84 points  (5 children)

          Manager material right here, folks.

          [–]tane_rs 43 points44 points  (4 children)

          Owned & operated a shop for a couple years. Wouldn't do it again. Coffee is an awesome drink and a fun hobby but it's exhausting when you're around ppl on the daily who have replaced their entire personality with it.

          [–]LeviathanMD 15 points16 points  (1 child)

          Cafè à la stracciatella... it’s the latest fashion in Italian coffeehouses I hear. Extra layers of flavor and more caffeine than regular blends. Sooo let’s say 8 bucks a cup

          [–]pikeybastard 30 points31 points  (2 children)

          I was gonna suggest just this. This is the perfect opportunity to market a limited time sale and test a new product. The manager is a bozo.

          [–]Nrozek 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          Why make money when you can have two (or more) employees waste insane amounts of time doing something very unnecessary?

          [–]inspire_provoke 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          "Salt and Pepper blend, today only! $29.99 for a 12oz bag, roasted bespoke for you"

          Fair trade, hate free, conflict free, free range, artisan created for you by people who don't raise their voice and consider feathers in the wind to be music.

          [–]timetogrowgreen 39 points40 points  (0 children)

          These are Starbucks company secrets! I'm going to need you to cease and desist. What are you going to tell them next? That they should burn the shit out of their coffee so you can get away with using lesser quality beans without people noticing?

          [–]Snowpossum 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          This is probably the best idea here. The owner is missing a corporate fuckup turned to opportunity moment.

          [–]7fw 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          That's what I thought. Call it a blended roast.

          [–]buffalo_chum 4859 points4860 points 2 (707 children)

          Whats the cost of 2 people having to do this? Does it outweigh the cost of buying new beans? Consider things like this when you start to create more work for yourself.

          [–]cmcdonal2001 716 points717 points  (96 children)

          I can see it being cost-effective if it's a particularly slow day. I had friends in college who worked at small, independent coffee shops that were basically paid to dick around half the time; if that's the case may as well give them something to do.

          [–]Cr3X1eUZ 522 points523 points  (54 children)

          "You got time to lean, you got time to clean separate beans."

          [–]spambot0689 168 points169 points  (7 children)

          You got time to lean, you got time to bean

          [–]MadTouretter 59 points60 points  (39 children)

          I haven't worked that kind of job in a couple years, but I still break out in a rage sweat when I hear (or read) that sentence.

          [–]Mantequilla_Stotch 27 points28 points  (15 children)

          It's funny though that most places that have people stand around doing nothing for hours ends up having a shitty health inspection score. There are so many places in a food service establishment that never gets cleaned.

          [–]DaughterEarth 18 points19 points  (8 children)

          The culture around it is weird too. I'd make sure I cleaned when there was downtime. Other staff members would make fun of me and sometimes managers would tell me to chill out.

          oook then guys.

          [–]probablyuntrue 19 points20 points  (6 children)

          "fuck them kids"

          [–]adale_50 23 points24 points  (5 children)

          Side note: Do NOT fuck them kids.

          [–]eyeshark 9 points10 points  (3 children)

          “I don’t mean fuck the kids. I mean FUCK the kids!”

          ~ J.B. of Tenacious D

          [–]Liz4984 1982 points1983 points  (398 children)

          I was thinking the same. Cheaper to buy new coffee than pay people for hours to sort it out.

          [–]foulpudding 1291 points1292 points  (209 children)

          I mean, just serve this one as a one time experimental “blend” right?

          [–][deleted]  (187 children)


            [–]probablyuntrue 548 points549 points  (143 children)

            I feel like unroasted beans would float more than roasted ones which would make it easier to sort

            Or yea fuck it, blend it all and let the customer pay five bucks for an experimental blend lol

            Edit: motherfuckers does it look like I know anything about beans

            [–]kjacobs92 270 points271 points  (71 children)

            unroasted coffee wouldn’t grind without destroying a standard grinder

            [–]throweraccount 353 points354 points  (54 children)

            Double roast it, extra toasted beans and some regular toasted beans.

            [–]piyoucaneat 247 points248 points  (40 children)

            Burn the previously roasted beans to a crisp and sell it to dads that love burnt stuff.

            [–]2nah 118 points119 points  (13 children)

            Can you put ketchup in coffee?

            [–]Scoopdoopdoop 21 points22 points  (0 children)

            Or A1, it's how coffee is done.

            [–]piyoucaneat 29 points30 points  (5 children)

            You could... or you could dunk your burnt cookies in it.

            [–]LieutenantKotler 11 points12 points  (1 child)

            Burnt coffee and ketchup actually sounds like a kings breakfast right about now.

            [–]foil-time 35 points36 points  (8 children)

            That's what happened during the great Cheeze-It debacle of 2019. The snuck the burned ones in, but still had way too many so they just marketed it as its own product. Success!

            [–]bigpandas 13 points14 points  (0 children)

            Starbucks' business model

            [–]Happy-Gilmore 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            So, Starbucks

            [–]Lumb3rgh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            Ah the Starbucks approach

            [–]Lancalot 39 points40 points  (3 children)

            Call it double-single roasted

            [–]probablyuntrue 26 points27 points  (0 children)

            time to make the bean bois start grinding them with their teeth

            [–]-Already-Taken- 28 points29 points  (2 children)

            But then your whole 10 pounds of coffee is soggy and probably loses flavour. Coffee people are always complaining about things taking the flavour of their coffee beans. Sounds like it's easy to ruin.

            [–]regoapps 24 points25 points  (16 children)

            Bean density varies dramatically with roast level. The more roasted a bean is, the less dense it becomes. Pour water over the whole bucket, and the roasted ones will float to the top and then you can just scoop those out to separate it faster.

            [–]Apostrophizer 30 points31 points  (11 children)

            Yup, then batch mix the now slightly less flavorful beans with another batch of freshly roasted beans. That way it'll minimize the loss of flavor from being exposed to moisture like that.

            [–]regoapps 15 points16 points  (8 children)

            Or just call it a light roast and call it a day

            [–]ArtVents 18 points19 points  (6 children)

            Then you would need a customer that doesn't know that less roasted does not equal less flavor.

            [–]Newcool1230 25 points26 points  (4 children)

            3 hours? You wish, I would drag this out for months just sitting there doing nothing.

            [–]hiplobonoxa 31 points32 points  (5 children)

            one part roasted and one part double roasted?

            [–]dunnkw 47 points48 points  (4 children)

            Right there with everybody. Although it is possible given the circumstances that the boss didn’t attend any economics classes.

            [–]buffalo_chum 161 points162 points  (149 children)

            2 people @ $15.00/hr x 3 hrs = $90 in payroll. This is assuming there was no OT involved. Round it up to $100 after payroll taxes.


            Now consider the 3 hrs of other work that didnt get done. This could possibly push both employees into OT for...let's say 1.5 hrs. That's 2 people @ 1.5 hrs x 22.50/hr = $67.50

            Round it to $70

            -$70 + -$100 = -$170.00

            So you are now down $170 as a business

            Say you sell the coffee for $9.00/lbs and you are making a nice 40% profit margin. This means your cost is around $5.40/lb pulling in $3.60/lb profit.

            To recoup your $170 you'll need to sell 48 lbs of coffee....


            [–]totallynotliamneeson 140 points141 points  (56 children)

            Yeah but thats assuming they make 15 an hour. Depends on the state, but by me 7.25 is the minimum, most jobs like this start you at like 9 or 10.

            [–]CletusVanDamnit 92 points93 points  (14 children)

            OP's post history would have one assume they live in CA. State minimum wage is $12. They make at least that much.

            [–]nau5 35 points36 points  (3 children)

            If they are a small coffee shop in CA they are probably selling the coffee for more than $9/lb.

            [–]DashFerLev 13 points14 points  (2 children)

            I've never seen coffee in a coffee shop go for $9/lb

            That's at least $14 or $15/lb. Maybe $3/lb for the green.

            I don't know what the other guy's math was doing, but these people have to be sorting faster than a pound an hour for it to be worth it.

            I don't know how that other guy came to those numbers. This task shouldn't take 3 hours, it should take 2 people maybe an hour and a half.

            [–]Aurailious 18 points19 points  (9 children)

            That's only for base pay, there is a lot more overhead than the money you get. Any kind of benefits, payroll tax, etc. The company will be paying all of that for this work.

            [–]shifty313 46 points47 points  (24 children)

            Hate when people try to "theydidthemath" shit and it's wack

            [–]mohammedibnakar 41 points42 points  (8 children)

            "Let's assume one is left handed and the other is ginger"

            [–]ilikerazors 17 points18 points  (9 children)

            They are also assuming they wouldn't sell it by the cup, which should have way better margins than selling it by the pound

            [–]Ju1cY_0n3 12 points13 points  (0 children)

            Yeah, this isn't 3 hours of work at all. Maybe if the bin was completely full and you only had one person it would be a couple hours at most.

            You can probably go through 1.5lb of coffee bean by bean in less than 5 minutes alone, this looks like it's probably close to 20lb, so let's call it closer to 1 hour of solo work. Separating quakers (bad beans) after a roast is a pretty common and quick process that is 100% cosmetic, and you're looking for a lot less of a difference (defect beans, they are all the same color but shaped differently). Roasters will normally separate out the quakers after they cool down, separating out unroasted beans from a roasted bucket would be 10x easier because green sticks out way more in a sea of brown than shapes in a sea of shapes.

            Plus if he dumped them in they shouldn't need to sort the entire bucket, just the top unless the boss also decided to shake the bucket as hard as he could to distribute the unroasted beans as far as he could.

            Source: I fucking like coffee.

            [–]cough_e 13 points14 points  (4 children)

            The overtime cost is the only cost here.

            If they didn't need to work overtime and still got everything done they needed to, then it was 0 additional cost to the shop to separate the beans.

            Unless there is hidden opportunity cost, like if one of the employees does marketing and didn't have time to advertise the shop or something along those lines.

            [–]DrChzBrgr 5 points6 points  (1 child)

            Yeah I’m surprised how many people don’t understand that most likely these people are at work anyway, and potentially they are at work not doing anything else of value- might as well have em sort it out when business is slow.

            [–]cassinonorth 19 points20 points  (21 children)

            Say you sell the coffee for $9.00/lbs

            There is no small coffee shop selling for $9.00/lb. Try like $15/12 oz is the norm for 3rd wave roasters.

            [–]Drumlin 9 points10 points  (5 children)

            Maybe OPs boss isn't as absentminded as they think. This might have been a strategic ploy to get them to quit, to avoid paying for unemployment benefits.

            [–]ThisFatGirlRuns 52 points53 points  (8 children)

            Get the customers to do it and call it part of the experience. Charge them more for the privilege and Bob's your uncle!

            [–]minuteman_d 39 points40 points  (4 children)

            You're thinking about this all wrong. He's going to mark up this batch of coffee by marketing it as "premium hand-selected beans! we carefully examine each bean for suitability and readiness to be brewed".

            [–]don_cornichon 82 points83 points  (3 children)

            Depends on whether those two people who are getting paid anyway have something better (more profitable) to do.

            [–]kylekorverforthreeee 31 points32 points  (1 child)

            Exactly, if the shop isn't very busy then you may as well get your workers to do something as you'll be paying them just to stand around anyway.

            [–]amplevoid 10 points11 points  (3 children)

            How long has OP been working for Michael Scott?

            [–]spottydodgy 216 points217 points  (5 children)

            Just reroast the whole batch and call it "half double roast house blend" and sell it for $1 more. Even if it tastes like crap people will say it was better because they paid more.

            [–]BraindeadBanana 75 points76 points  (1 child)

            Found the Starbucks manager.

            [–]gsfgf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            crap people will say it was better because they paid more

            Not only that, more expensive stuff actually does taste better. The science people measured people's brain waves when being told they're drinking more expensive wine and the pleasure centers reacted more even when it was the exact same wine. Brains are weird.

            [–]wipplesnap 383 points384 points  (45 children)

            Is someone using their name badge to sort coffee beans?

            [–]funny_like_how 137 points138 points  (5 children)

            I thought it was someone's credit card.

            [–]Jeran 73 points74 points  (1 child)

            looks like a credit card and OP even used a white brush tool to white out the info. just in case.

            [–]SamRothstein72 793 points794 points  (44 children)

            Put them in water the roast ones float.

            [–]don_cornichon 429 points430 points  (25 children)

            But now they're wet.

            [–]SamRothstein72 1929 points1930 points 4 (17 children)

            And the unroasted ones float too, I probably should have mentioned that.

            [–]probablyuntrue 377 points378 points  (2 children)

            Just put the roasted ones in so only they float, then collect them duh

            [–]magony 48 points49 points  (3 children)

            The real ShittyProLifeTip is always in the comments

            [–]FarplaneDragon 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            They all float down here

            [–]mag1cd0nut 103 points104 points  (3 children)

            Put them in hot water, the roasted ones will make coffee.

            [–]SpikySheep 25 points26 points  (1 child)

            Put a little metal tag on all the roasted ones and then use a magnet to quickly separate them all at once. You just need to remove the tag then. I can't believe no one thought of this simple solution.

            [–]herptydurr 32 points33 points  (11 children)

            Alternatively, just shake the bucket. Unraosted beans are nearly twice as dense as roasted ones. When you shake the bucket, the unroasted ones will all settle to the bottom.

            [–]Terpene 42 points43 points  (5 children)

            Reminds me of the days when I was young and had to separate the seeds from my brown schwag weed in a similar manner.

            [–]controlzee 166 points167 points  (43 children)

            You need an Arduino, a solenoid and a light sensor.

            [–]ParaspriteHugger 80 points81 points  (4 children)

            Or some pigeons and a Cinderella to train them.

            [–]wipplesnap 24 points25 points  (2 children)

            I think that would be really satisfying. You'd need more mixed beans though, once you had it perfected sorting one batch just wouldn't be enough.

            [–]wonkey_monkey 29 points30 points  (10 children)

            Also a time machine because by the time you've got that programmed, debugged, and the task is completed, it could have been done by hand five times over.

            [–]King_Joffreys_Tits 28 points29 points  (3 children)

            As a software developer, I gladly spend hours at a time making software that will help me save 12 seconds every time I need to do something tedious.

            And this way, the next time the boss fucks up, we can just run it through my automatic bean sorter!

            [–]pithed 13 points14 points  (2 children)

            But then you are ready for the next time this happens. A portion of my job involves making programmatic solutions to one time fuck ups. Turns out they are never one time fuck ups.

            [–]LeverArchFile 7 points8 points  (0 children)

            This had me very confused as Victoria Arduino is also a brand of coffee making equipment.


            [–]CensoryDeprivation[S] 145 points146 points  (27 children)

            Wow! This post got a lot more attention than I thought so i figured I’d answer some of the great questions asked here:

            1. We don’t have the technological means to separate the beans. We don’t have a vibrating table, a salad spinner, or someone’s suggestion that we get a bunch of crows to sort through them all. Putting them in water would effectively ruin them.

            2. It’s not economically viable to toss the whole batch. We’re a small shop. A batch is a big financial blow to just toss out. We’ll be lucky to salvage half of it. (The unroasted half)

            3. Yes my boss helped. For a while anyways. He definitely owes us dinner and I’ll probably ask for a raise after this. (Haha)

            4. We work in food service which means we wash our hands a million times. Your coffee beans have been handled a million times before we ever touch them and will be roasted before going through boiling water before reaching you. You’ll be fine!

            5. We can’t just re-roast the beans. The already roasted ones would burn and ruin the flavor of the unroasted ones.

            6. Grinding unroasted beans would actually ruin the grinder. Before being roasted they are tough like pebbles

            Lastly just a friendly reminder that while your baristas love serving coffee and making your day better, they also put up with a ton of crap. I’ve seen tip jars get stolen, bathrooms get trashed, crackheads, arrests, vandalism, and verbal abuse at work. Not to mention being a bean counter!
            Next time you get a coffee, please remember to treat your server well, and that they live on tips, and they will be grateful for it!

            [–]Euan_whos_army 12 points13 points  (6 children)

            So what is the value of all those coffee beans then? I didn't think they'd be expensive? Are they a special type?

            [–]dafunk60 68 points69 points  (4 children)

            Why aren't you running it though the de-stoner? The green beans should get caught just like other debris.

            [–]Umbra427 136 points137 points  (1 child)

            Instead they ran it through two stoners

            [–]skinnah 34 points35 points  (0 children)

            Exactly. Green beans are much longer than coffee beans. I prefer french cut.

            [–]LynetteScavo78 35 points36 points  (3 children)

            Well, if that isn't a Cinderella story.

            [–]darkfang77 12 points13 points  (3 children)

            If you shake them, shouldn't the roasted beans move to the top since they're lighter?

            [–]elmturner 37 points38 points  (10 children)

            Everyone's complaining about how horrible it is but I'd enjoy doing something like this. Even more so if I was being paid to do it

            [–]skyline_kid 11 points12 points  (1 child)

            Yep, anything to not deal with customers

            [–]Catsateherface5987 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Me too! It seems like it would be very calming

            [–]OMGoblin 6 points7 points  (2 children)

            Giving bean counters a whole new meaning

            [–]db0255 19 points20 points  (1 child)

            Why are all the unroasted beans mixed in? If he absent-mindedly poured them in, shouldn’t they be on top?

            [–]gweasley97 104 points105 points  (74 children)

            The roasted batch is a total loss. You may be able to salvage the green but any green dust will have contaminated the roasted batch. Get different looking bins to differentiate green and roasted!

            [–]Simmion 115 points116 points  (28 children)

            like, really though? Id wager its completely unnoticable, even for the most pretentious of coffee snobs.

            [–]cynikalAhole99 166 points167 points  (210 children)

            your boss should be doing this..his mess he needs to fix.

            [–]burritotickler 83 points84 points  (7 children)

            Employees get paid to be there anyways. It's not like they're digging ditches. I wouldn't care. That's a few hours i wouldn't have to talk to customers. Win for me.

            [–]Ungie22 12 points13 points  (0 children)

            Oh hell yes. Back in my service days my favourite week day was garbage/recycling day. Get to chill in the cool basement sorting and then doing inventory instead of serving customers!

            [–]Myeerah 84 points85 points  (1 child)

            With the 'us' it's implied the boss is one of the 2 sorting them